Top 4 Qualities of an Excellent Mentor
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All of us are trying to figure out how to do something for the very first time; Start a business, study for CPA exam & pick a career path. Regardless, of the thing, the best way of doing it is by finding a mentor.
Benefits of a Mentor
One of the ways to do thing successfully & take the short-cut is by finding a mentor for that goal. Someone who already have been through the process, learned from their mistakes and know how to do it best. You do not need to figure out a new way when you can copy someone else success secret.
The Anti-Mentor, Mr. 2-Cents
Opposite of seeking advice from a mentor is asking advice from those who are in close proximity to you. We unconciously take in everything we hear, unless, we conciously filter it. This often leads to a lot bad advice. Look out in consuming what comes out of the mouth of Mr. 2-cents, the person who has advice for everything. He might have not done the thing you are trying to achieve successfully or they are giving advice according to the circumstances that apply to them but not you. Bad information will slow you down, take you down wrong roads. Be selective in taking in what people say. Evaluate the speaker before taking in what they say.
So how do you identify who is an excellent mentor for you ?
- He has done what you want to accomplish, successfully. This is the most crucial charctersitic. Too often, we seek advice from people who are in the process themself or who were trying to do it but have quit. We usually have easy access to them and thats why we turn to them but why would you want to ask directions from someone who hasn’t reached their destination? A bonus, if they have done what you want multiple times, then they are even better.
- He has accomplished it to the highest degree. So now you have narrowed down the list of people who have done it. Even amongst these people, they aren’t all equal. Some have barely accomplished it while others did it to the highest degree. Descriminate from amongst them. Though they may share similar advice, what made some shine will be in the slight variation & attitudes.
- He is proud of his accomplishment. It might seem that anyone successful in what they do would be proud of it but it isn’t necassarly the case. For example, often times, successful businessmen encourage their children to get safe reliable jobs. They think grass is greener on the other side. They accidently landed in their successes but won’t last too long. Shy away from them, they’ll only be discouragement.
- He is a source of encouragement. Mentor needs to be more of a supportive coach then a pushy consultant. You need the mentor in times of confusion or lack of hope, their encouraging words, will carry you forward.
Reach out & touch them
The more you narrow down your list, more you realize that you know of this awesome mentor but don’t know him personally. To avoid all the pitfalls and learn the shortcuts, it is worth hustling to get some one-on-one time with them. After couple of time they’ll recognize your drive. You don’t need your mentor at all times but when you do you need to know how to get hold of them. Build that relationship.
“I will stop, after I get married”
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Many people make self-declarations about stopping a bad habit. They know it is a problem and they have been dealing with its painful consequences.
In their commitment to stop, they make declaration to stop…stop AFTER they get married.
“Not being married is so hard on me, I will completely stop staring at women, after I get married“
“Gosh, I have such a bad temper. I am always blowing up at my parents. I regret doing this. I will stop after I get married.“
These declarations are so false. Getting married doesn’t automatically help you drop any habit. You still have to work on stopping it, married or not. Such vows are weak and the person isn’t serious about dropping the habit, it is just a false justification to continue doing what they are doing. The truth is, people carry over their bad habits into marriage and their negative effects are usually amplified.
If you cant control your temper with your parents, you will have a short fuse with your husband too.
If it wasn’t bad enough that Allah (swt) saw you staring at other women, how about when you wife catches your wondering eyes.
What a way to start your marriage !
These examples are so TRUE. It happens to couples all the time.
Humans aren’t perfect, we are always are struggling with ourselves. As Muslims, we have the ancestors to follow, the Companion of the Prophet (s) and all the other prophets before him.
As soon as they realized they had to stop something that displeased Allah, they would abandon it immediately.
If you are single, start identifying and working on your bad habits now. Marriage doesn’t wash them away.
If you are married stop making the same type of excuses.
“I will stop, after my first child is born.“
Successful people take action immediately, don’t wait, do it.
The Two Great Doors
In College, there were 100-level classes that looked real innocent. They had titles like “Introduction to Economics” or “Introduction to Programming”. In actuality, they were killer classes. You would hear many horror stories about them from senior students. There were no way around them. They were required for their respective major. If you wanted to do a Business major, you had to take the Economics 101 class or if you were going to do a Computer Science major, you had to take the Programming 101 class.
They were also known as the weeder classes. This is because they would be so tough that it would often weed people out from continuing with the major. It would separate those who were really passionate and/or committed to the path from those who were just considering it.
Islamic scholars have said, students of knowledge have to stop at two great doors of before truly start their studies of the Islamic Sciences; those two doors are the Arabic language and the Quran. On the path to these two doors, a large percentage of students drop out.
Since I am studying Arabic and Tajweed, I see the challenge. When you are doing it day in and day out, many of the tasks can feel mechanical. Memorize random new vocabulary, review the old one, writing the lesson three times.
When you start losing motivation, you must
1) Recognize and be self-aware of when such feelings first arise. It is important to deal with them early on and before they lead you 100 miles down the wrong road of thinking.
2) Upon realizing such feeling, it is vital to renew your intention on why you are on this journey. Reflect on how these daily tasks tie into your Hearafter. Get clear in making the link.
3) After every hardship, there is immediate ease. Just tough it out because it is about to get easy. Just hold on a little longer and don’t waive the white flag.
How We Made it Overseas to Study
My wife wrote up our story of how we made it overseas. Check it out.
Back in the summer of 2007 Ahmed and I starting talking, wishing, and hoping that one day we would be able to leave our jobs, wrap up our home and go to Egypt to study the Arabic language. At the time Ahmed was an IT Consultant, traveling out from Chicago to South Carolina where he would be Monday-Thursday. I was a stay at home Mommy and part time Dental Hygienist. Learning the Arabic language has been something Ahmed and I have been wanting to do since we were in college. We took a few courses at the time but wanted to really get into in by living and learning in a Middle Eastern country. This dream had been a mere thought. Initially we thought it would never be possible since Ahmed had a secure job at a time the economy was not doing so well. We had a nice apartment in Wheaton, IL that we were nicely settled in. One would think we were crazy to leave a nice, easy going life, for something unknown.
Months went by and we started putting our heads together to find a way we could leave everything and go overseas to gain some knowledge. We started budgeting, researching, and making a lot of dua to Allah. By the end of 2007 we were set in stone about pursuing this adventure. We started following our plan of action to make things easier to pursue this dream of ours. Most of 2008 we spent convincing our parents that this is something we really wanted to do. This I believe was the hardest part. They were worried about us leaving really good jobs at a time people had a hard time getting a job, they were worried about our well being, and they were worried that we were going to an unknown place, a place none of us have been-Egypt. There were times that I thought we wouldn’t get the blessings of our parents, but with some hardcore dua during Ramadan 2008 it seemed like the high tide settled ashore, Alhumdulilah.
From the time we had decided to go to Egypt till about one month before we actually left was a roller coaster ride. Somedays it would seem like the doors had closed for this opportunity and then sometimes they opened. I felt like Allah SWT was really trying to test Ahmed and I to see how dedicated we were in gaining knowledge for His sake alone. Learning the Arabic language would essentially help us understand our religion of Islam better therefore we were extremely dedicated in doing whatever we could to make this dream a reality.
Alhumdulilah on January 22, 2009 Ahmed, Isra, and I found ourselves boarding flight LH 443 to Alexandria, Egypt. We had been talking about it for so long that it was hard to believe we were bidding farewell to our loved ones to follow our dreams! We are extremely grateful to Allah SWT for giving us this great blessing.
Remember…
*Never give up on your dreams, especially if they are for the sake of Allah SWT. Nothing is impossible for Allah. He is the One who ultimately decrees things, and He will give, if there is good in it for you.
*The power of dua is limitless
*Do your part: Make dua, research and do some financial planning for the dream you want to pursue.
*Its never too late to pursue meaningful things in life (i.e. being a student of knowledge), whether you’re married, have children, or have reached a certain age…it’s never too late.
When You’ve Been Had
Can you remember the feeling you had after realizing someone had just ripped you off ?
Living in the US, this really doesn’t happen too much. When you are going to a store or buying something online, you know what you are paying for. Most people are transparent about what they are selling and what they are charging you. Last thing they want is to get caught charging different prices to different people.
Going overseas is a whole new environment that you aren’t familiar with in the beginning. MOST days, everyone is pretty nice & honest. You get by comfortably. In some instances, being new or looking western, a taxi driver or side street vendor might rip you off.
After you realize you got ripped off, there is a bitter feeling of being violated. It shakes up any pride you have and makes you upset that someone took advantage of you. As a westerner, it can be an experience that brings out a mix of emotions you never had.
When emotions are raised, deep beliefs are put in place. Sometimes people might build a bitter attitude toward the people around them. One might be cold & suspicious of everyone they deal with, thinking they are out to take advantage of them. Such things can ruin the experience & the studies of a student of knowledge.
When this happens, one should reflect on the following:
- Though there might be initial emotions, one shouldn’t let them run too long. The hardest part of dealing with tests in life is identifying the tests.
- Refocus on the purpose of why you came overseas & how the goal is bigger, much important then such incidents
- Reflect on the 100’s of positives that have come from where you are now. It could be the genuine kindness of people, the daily athan, all halal food, the ilm, etc.
- They charged 20 Egyptian pounds, when it should have been 5 pounds, so what ? You lost $3. The conversion rate is so strong that you usually don’t end up losing too much money. If you are back in US, you could have blown that on something trivial by now.
Such incidents will expose your character to you. And if you do not like what you see, then you should improve it. Ilm with weak character is very dangerous for you and those around you.
as salaam alikuim
